well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
