Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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