my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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