morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
