I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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