fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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