I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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