From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
