I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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