all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
