he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize