Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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