Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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