Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
