I'm really into asian looking animals
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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