i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
