dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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