My Higher Power is John Stamos
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
