i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
