And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
