I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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