Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
