we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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