who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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