I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So much Jack, so little girl.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
