I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
