Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
