So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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