Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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