Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
