New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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