i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
