I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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