I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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