david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
