the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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