so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
