Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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