Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
bring money and cleavage
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
