i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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