hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
