I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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