apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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