Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize