i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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