Who did Billy Mays play for?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize