i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
