it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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