btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
