is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
