Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
