...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
