you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
