i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
