Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
