I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
