I'm lost and stupid without you.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
