You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
