i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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