I think I died a long time ago.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize