Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
