there was a trapeze. enough said
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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