So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My vagina is officially offended.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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