dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize