don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
