i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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