Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
