Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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